A little bit of Photoshop goes a long way

With my basic understanding of Photoshop, I may never have to diet again.

Since graduating college, I have been working under my own company with husband. Things have been a littler slower recently and we have had more down time in between jobs. This means that I have  UNINHIBITED FREE TIME for the first time in my life! The first month that things were slow I used my time to sleep in, take naps, and watch puppy videos on Youtube. (There are a lot of great videos of dogs like: Great Dane Steals kid’s bubble bath , or Husky and baby sing, or bulldog and baby cuddle - the possibilities are endless)

But after some ridicule from husband for being obsessive about puppies and worried phone calls from mom, I decided to do something useful with my time and finally learn Photoshop. The idea was, I would get good enough to create content for our videos and websites, etc. The problem is I discovered a tool call LIQUIFY.

BEFORE

 AFTER

Too much? :) OK I over emphasized this one on purpose. But you get the point. This took me 2 minutes. Maybe less. It is the EASIEST thing in the world to give yourself a rockin body. No joke, this is the best kept secret. It practically does all the work for you, you just have the “push the mouse in over an area” and voila! This is a problem because now all I want to do is it edit my photo history. Think of the possibilities: I could start adding celebrities to my parties, and erasing those sweat stains. So how is that for being lazy? 

 I found out that celebrities have personal "photoshoppers" who edit every single image of them in the tabloids. And the more I learn about advertising and photoshop the more I realize no image is real. Article: Airbrushed Makeup Ads banned from UK for being Misleading.  The UK was like, "Hey I know Julia Roberts has more wrinkles then that, you can't fool us!"

Is there a Photoshop Rehab? America should look into that. 

Stuff My Husband Wants that I Don’t Understand

  We have been together for about 4 years, but we still haven’t gotten good at giving gifts. Every time an occasion rolls around one of us starts a conversation like, “OK it’s our first anniversary and we just spent a lot of money on a camera, let’s not get gifts for each other”. (We actually spent our first anniversary at his Grandpa’s BBQ a 4 hour drive each way – but that’s a whole other story) Or there is the recent card-with-a-picture-of-the-gift-I’m-going-to-give-you-some-day. Those NEVER actually happen. Last birthday husband gave me a picture of a bike…we went to the store and I couldn't find one I liked. And for husband's last birthday I gave him a picture of a briefcase. (He promptly decided he didn’t want one). A month later we bought a couch and called that his present. Tacky, or a good way a justify a big purchase?? So it goes both ways.

But I think the REAL problem is that we don’t really understand what each other really wants.

Husband's 2011 Christmas Wish list:

1.

Me: are you joking?

Him: No, I really think we should be prepared for an attack. (completely serious face)

2.

 we don't even go camping. 

3.

This costs $118,000

4.

No Comment

5.

I don't get it. Is this a typical man thing? Most of his great "finds" are at uncrate and werd. Thanks guys for finding the most random stuff and giving the idea to my husband. Our anniversary is coming up, is it time to give in to bacon of the month?

What to do when you babysit twins

You start by giving them everything they demand. Because you don’t have any other options. It’s them or you. And they will win. 

Bed time is hysterical. Matthew and Stephen have matching cribs across from each other, but their sleep habits are completely different. Stephen snuggles up and lays down quietly, while Matthew yells and jumps. They each have a video monitor looking down on them from shelves next to their beds. The problem is Matthew will  destroy anything within reach of his crib. One afternoon I couldn’t figure out why they had not gone to sleep an hour after I had closed the door. I went in to find out Matthew had leaned over and flip on the light switch using a book that was in his crib. WHAT?! Both kids were bouncing happily and chatting- wide awake. Hello early bed time tonight! The other problem is both babies attack their baby monitors. Matthew will throw anything he has to dislodge the video camera. If he runs out of ammo, he will lean over, grab the edge of the shelf and shake it until the monitor falls. So Matthew's crib must be centered on the wall equally far away from the light switch on one side and the shelf on the other. And if you get it wrong - madness ensues. 

If the babies haven’t moved their monitors, it makes for great entertainment at bed time.

In between bedtime and naps the twins run the house. Stephen and Matthew will ask (OK lets call it DEMAND) treats through out the day. We will be playing a game and then suddenly one of the twins will remember ice cream exists and start yelling “NUM NUMS!”  This sets off the other twin and in a frenzy together they will run out to the garage. They are smart little things and they have learned to improvise with their toys. Sometimes they will take their little chairs and throw them down the stairs into the garage and then drag them over to the fridge and climb up to open the top freezer. Then they will stand there and yell for "num nums" while they clutch the edges of the freezer. They will yell until they get it. Who am I to argue anyways? 

The second day of babysitting, I’m on the phone convincing my family we are handling the babies just fine and I turn around to see the husband feeding the babies Nutella by the spoonful. He looks at me and says “They asked for it, what was I supposed to do?” 

Twin Speak

 It's true, twins do have their own language! Matthew and Stephen are fraternal twins, which means they are two completely different people that don't look alike. They are absolutely hilarious together because they feed off each other. They also understand each other and have created their own language.

The first thing Matthew says in the video is "DA-BA". That is their word for each other. Stephen calls Matthew "da ba" and vice versa. I didn't pick up on their complete language, but I learned the important ones.

Blanket: GAGA
Food: NUM NUMS
For example,  I hand Stephen two popsicles, one for himself and one for Matthew, and he says: "my num nums, and da ba's num nums".
When we arrived we introduced ourselves: "Hello twins! This is Katie and Jacob". They immediately called us "Teetee" and "Bubba". I would get told "no, Bubba do it" quite frequently. I think he won them over with treats early. So much for favorite aunt. 

These two also coordinate well. One day they went upstairs and after about 10 minutes I realized it was too quiet. I ran up to find the twins holding colored pencils and markers. Oh no. At first I didn't see anything, but I slowly walked around to find they had colored on the walls of three different rooms. SO MUCH DESTRUCTION IN 10 MINUTES? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!?!

(Did I mention my sister is a very organized and clean person?)

Yeah, I was about to break down. I called my mom and she told me to use Windex. It works. Thank goodness. 

How I got talked into watching 2 year old Twins

I accidentally volunteered to watch my sister’s two year old twins and her 8 year-old for a week. Let me show you how it happened:

Phone conversation:

Lisa (Sister#3): Hey, I’m going to watch Kristen’s twins while she goes to Europe, but I can’t do it by myself.  Could you fly out and help me? We could do all sort of fun stuff together.

Me (Baby in the Family): Yes. I am totally on board for a vacation to NC and playing with twins.

How I picture this going:

Phone Conversation:

Kristen (Sister#2): I don’t want to take my babies out of their home. Will you come hang out with me while the rest of my family is gone and help watch my twins?

Me: OK. I could fly to Maryland and hang out with you. Are you sure you don’t want to go to Europe?

Kristen: No, I don’t want to leave my babies.

What I am imagining next:

Phone Conversation:

Mom: You are going out to help Kristen? Why doesn’t she just go to Europe while you watch the kids? I’m going to convince her to go.

Me: Um….She said she didn’t want to leave the twins. (nervous voice:) But she should go! I know she wants to. I can handle the twins!

Message on my voicemail:

Hi this is Kristen. Are you sure you could handle the babies? I’m really thinking about going….

TEXT

From ME to KRISTEN: “OK, I’m up for it if you’re serious about flying me out”

What I am imagining now:

Phone Conversation: (same day 10 PM)

Me: So what did you decide?

Kristen: I bought my ticket I hope you were serious about coming! I’m leaving my 8 year old son too.

10:10 PM 

Terror and fear hit me. 

I turn to my husband sitting next to me-

Me: PLEASE COME WITH ME!

(I convinced Jacob to go with me for at at least part of the time)

 And that is how I ended up with these two troublemakers:

More shenanigans with the twins and fam to be posted tomorrow....